What have I done?
by moonlightfan78
Summary: This is set after Jace and Clary argue in city of glass and he tells her she is nothing but a disaster for them. Jace breaks her heart but he doesn't foresee the consequences. Now he must race against time to save her.
1. Chapter 1

Jace shook his head. "I sent her home. It was the best thing for her."

"You did a hell of a lot more than send her home. You _destroyed_ her. Did you see her face?"

"It was worth it," said Jace. "You wouldn't understand."

"For her, maybe," Isabelle said. "I hope it winds up worth it for you." Isabelle stomped out of the room slamming the door shut behind her. It bounced so hard that the walls shook. Jace sat down with a heavy thump on the couch and put his head in his hands. His heart was breaking, but what else could he do. He burned to touch her every second he was with her and when he wasn't all he could do was dream about her and long for her, but he knew he couldn't have her. She was his sister. He hadn't wanted to touch Aline but he had to try something or he would go mad. She was better off hating him, thinking he hated her than slowly dying from a broken heart like he was. He scratched at the rune to heal a broken heart and sighed when he realized that this one definitely did not work.

His mind swirled around and he felt sick at the thought of her hating him. He wanted to end himself rather than make her believe he didn't adore her but he thought it was best. He paced back and forth in front of the fireplace hoping the motion would keep him from following her. He felt like he was going to crawl out of his skin if he didn't but he was holding himself back.

The door to the parlor flew open and Luke and Jocelyn came in quickly their eyes darting around the room. They scanned it and found it lacking before their gazes rested on him. Jace felt the earth move at the appearance of Clary's mother. She had been in a coma for weeks and now here she was standing in front of him as if she'd never been anything but healthy.

"Where is she?" Jocelyn demanded quickly her eyes stabbing into his.

Jace sighed and sat down, trying to look casual "For someone who's been out of commission for the last week or so you are aweful demanding, but in answer to your question, I don't know where she is." 

Luke growled at his nonchalant tone but Jace was in no mood for an overprotective papa bear right now. He was just miserable enough to take him on no matter how much he liked him. Jace's hand clenched but he held himself back and actually managed to look like he didn't have a problem in the world.

Luke and Jocelyn sat down anxiously forcing him to look at them. "It is important that we find her, I have something she has to hear. We checked Amatis's house but she'd gone. Amatis has no idea where to find her."

"Look," Jace said quietly as dread crawled his stomach, "Considering our situation," he said the word as if it were dirty, his lips almost burning to say it " I made it clear that she is not wanted here. I'm hoping she went home like I told her to."

Luke and Jocelyn exchanged a worried look and Jace sat forward as the dread inside him threatened to overwhelm him. He had a very bad feeling about this deep down to his very bones and he dreaded the words that he heard next.

"Clary's gone." Luke said gruffly "we went home and the apartment has been torn up again, there is blood on the wall and Clary's stuff is on the floor. It doesn't look good and we were hoping she would be here with you considering how she feels about you."

Jace gulped past the lump in his throat almost unable to speak. "I sent her away," he stuttered stricken " told her she would never be one of us, because.." he broke off as his breath caught in pain "because as we all know she is my sister and I shouldn't feel about her like I do. I was trying to save us both." He raked his hands through his hair and tugged as worry fought with misery.

Jocelyn came to kneel beside him removing his hands from his hair. "Jace look at me" she said quietly, "That's what I was trying to come tell her, one of Magnus's spells woke me and when he told me what Clary believes, what you both believe, I had to get to her right away."

"What are you saying" Jace asked almost unable to hear anymore.

Jocelyn sighed "You are not Valentine's son; he raised you until you were nine, but you are the son of Stephen and Celine Herondale. He took you from Celine's dying body. You are not my son."

Jace felt his whole word rock as the sickening truth set in. He had destroyed the woman he loved and now she was gone.

"what have I done?" he whispered as he looked into Jocelyn's eyes, "what the hell have I done?"

Clary sobbed as she ran out of the house hardly able to breathe or see where she was going. She stumbled and would have fallen if she hadn't caught herself on the edge of a bench. Pain scalded her body and at that moment she simply wanted to die. All she could think of were the words Jace had said to her. They echoed through her mind and taunted her…

"_You're a disaster for us, Clary! You're a mundane, you'll always be one, you'll never be a Shadowhunter. You don't know how to think like we do, think about what's best for everyone—all you ever think about is yourself! But there's a war on now, or there will be, and I don't have the time or the inclination to follow around after you, trying to make sure you don't get one of us killed!" _

His harsh tone had ripped her and she knew she would never be the same again. She loved him so much but his words obliterated her. She gasped as tears flooded down her cheeks. His words and the image of him kissing Aline danced in front of her eyes in a sickening calidascope of images that made her wonder if anyone would miss her if she were gone.

She wiped a shaking hand across her eyes and pulled her stele out of her boot. She swirled it and created a portal to her old apartment. The blue glow of the portal surrounded her as she stumbled through and collapsed on the old chair her mother loved to paint in. She sat sobbing as the portal stuttered and died not sure what to do next.

She tried to stand but found herself barely able to gather the strength to move. She stood up and tried to make her way to her room when the pain began. She screamed as her head began to pound and she no longer could see. She stumbled and found herself clenched in a set of hard hands. A sick, almost sweet laugh hissed near her ear and Clary whimpered but tried to fight anyway. She aimed an elbow at the body that held her but quickly found the pain in her head compounded by a punch to the face that sent her sprawling.

"Sweet little sister," the voice sighed, slick and serpentine against her ears "stupid bitch, trying to escape me."

Clary felt her head swim and couldn't piece it together. The pain came in waves and warred with the pain from her face, making it hard to breathe. She was jerked up and slammed against the wall. The pictures jumped off the wall and her purse scattered as he slammed her against it again and again. Her head slapped the wall and darkness began to crowd her vision.

"who are you?" she asked as she began to fade.

He laughed low in his throat and slapped her, bringing her back to reality. "Stupid whore" he hissed "I am your brother and you belong with me, I own you."

Clary opened one eye hoping the pain in her head wasn't making her hallucinate. Please, please don't be Jace she kept intoning to herself as she tried to focus. Her vision cleared and Sebastian smiled at her, his grin so full of evil she wondered how she'd ever thought him handsome.

"what are you talking about?" she slurred out as her head swam again and she sagged.

Sebastian hoisted her back up and gripped her chin, squeezing it, making her look at him. "That worthless bastard Jace is not Valentine's son, I am. He belongs to Stephen and Cleine Herondale but Valentine raised him. He always loved the "Good" son." He said with a sneer " Now I'm going to take my rightful place beside him. And I am going to take everything I want, no matter what anyone says." He punctuated his statement by shaking Clary again. Her head hit the wall one final time and her world began to go black.

"Even You" Sebastian finished as she slid into darkness with terror in her soul.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

The darkness faded slowly as if a light were being turned up on a dimmer switch. Clary's head felt like it was full of cement and she felt her throat close on a gag as her head pounded welcoming her back to consciousness. The steady drip of water somewhere nearby caught her attention but her head just hurt to damn much to be of any help.

She shivered as she realized she lay on a hard stone floor and that her hands and feet where shackled. Clary tried to stand but the length of chain attached was short and she was jerked back down. Clary tried to see but the murky darkness seemed to be filled with shadowy shapes that moved and danced in front of her throbbing eyes. She tried not to be afraid, but she had to admit it, she was scared.

The creak of a door sounded like a gunshot in the darkness as the light from the hallway spilled into the dark room. She jerked back from the cruel grip on her chin and wanted to vomit as Sebastian smiled his sick knowing smile, as if he knew what was coming and she wouldn't like it.

" little sister" he hissed softly, deceptively "Do you like your accommodations?" He stroked his hand over her face and hair and she cringed away from him not wanting him near her.

"Don't touch me, Get away from me."

He laughed softly and grabbed her arm in a crushing grip pulling her to her feet. He released the chains and she sagged as her vision continued to be dark. She tried to see but failed as shadows moved and swayed in front of her eyes. His laughter trickled down her spine like spiders scuttling about and Clary hit out at him. Her fist connected but he almost seemed to like it because he laughed again.

His hand slapped viciously at her and her head snapped back bouncing back against the wall with a sickening snap. She found the shadows fading away as her head swam and she was slung over one shoulder as he walked up the stairs. She tried to fight but he just laughed again. "You'll be signing another tune once I'm finished with you." He said softly as he kicked the door shut "you belong to me, now shut the hell up."

Jace strapped on extra knives and ran his hands through his hair yanking as hard as possible. The pain did little to alleviate the pain in his heart but he had to do something. The door opened with a creak and he looked up into Jocelyn's eyes and knew that she had nothing. The old saying that no news was good news was bullshit.

He swore again and willed Magnus to hurry. Magnus was trying a tracking spell but so far nothing had worked. Every second that ticked by drove him a little crazier, made him a little guiltier. He slammed his fist hard against the wall and heard his hand crack but the pain was a welcome distraction from the tearing in his heart. He was the world's biggest fool and he had a sinking dread growing in the pit of his stomach telling him that he would never get to make up for it.

Jace grabbed his hand and stomped up the steps to the room where Magnus was tracing Clary. Magnus sat within a circle of blue fire deeply entranced in the spell. The blue danced over him and lit him as if he were on fire. Jace paced impatiently practically wearing a hole in the floor. Magnus gasped and Jace turned to him expectantly.

"where is she?" he demanded harshly.

Magnus sighed as the blue fire left his eyes and went out around him. Jace felt the horrible feeling in his stomach triple at the look in his eyes. It was never good when an immortal warlock looked like that.

"she is in a hell dimension," Magnus said softly "and her life signs are fading."

"Well let's go get her." Jace rasped out sharply trying to keep the dread out of his stomach and his heart. He swung his seraph blade out and stormed toward the door, We have no time to lose.

"Jace" The sound of his name stopped him cold, as did the sadness in Magnus's cat colored eyes "We might already be too late." Jace knew from the sadness in his exotic colored eyes that he already feared the worst.

"No" Jace said softly, "I won't believe that, I have to save her because what will I do without her."

Magnus nodded and turned to get the others. The other shadow hunters entered the room and they flooded through the portal to the hell mouth with Jace leading the way.

Clary tried to open her eyes but couldn't. The pain had finally faded to numbness after what seemed like an eternity. What scared her most was the fact that Sebastian had hit her so hard so many times that it almost seemed like a blessing to no longer be able to see his smug evil face. The sound of a blade being pulled free of its sheath stopped her turbulent thoughts and she flinched away from the coldness of the blade.

"Let's see how you like this." He said with evil glee as he dug the knife in and Clary began to scream.


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay everyone don't hate me for the cliff hanger. This is just where the story led me. I love this story line so far and the reviews have been great. They are really an encouragement to me and helps me update faster. Please review and remember reviews are love. _

Chapter Three

Clary coughed and spit up blood, she couldn't see but knew it was blood from the warmth spreading on her chin. She tried like hell not to cry but had given up when he'd started cutting her arms. It was almost as if he was trying to cut the runes off her but they kept coming back. He cursed and kept the pain up and Clary thought she was going insane.

She tried to go to her happy place and at first it hadn't worked but then she'd reached out and had seen Jace 's face. Her heart beat had steadied and the pain had faded as she'd seen him standing in front of her with his arms around her. The image was so strong in her mind that it was almost read and she'd almost felt him around her before she'd passed out again.

Now he jerked her back from her happy place with more pain. She screamed and he laughed, a cruel gleeful sound and she wondered how long it would take her to die. She just prayed she got to see Jace one more time.

MIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMI

Jace slashed the nearest demon thing with his seraph blade and was rewarded with a shower of demon ichor. He wiped it off his face and kept moving. He saw the flash of Isabelle's wip, the swing of Alec's blade and the glow of Magnu's blue fire in the semi gloom as they fought their way forward. He shook his head grateful for family and friends who would go through this for him, for them both. Jace moved out of the way as the huge claw of another monster rushed at his head, if he hadn't come back to the present when he had Clary would have been lost because he would have been dead.

He growled and brought both his blades up in an x and decapitated the demon bearing down on him. He kicked its body and moved forward toward a large door set in what looked like a normal house but the screams coming from inside where inhuman. They ripped through him and sliced his very soul. He groaned and clutched his head trying to shut out the sound when he realized why the sound was killing him, it was Clary screaming.

He sprinted toward the house and kicked the door in. It flew inward with a crash and Jace stepped inside without hesitation, his one goal to find Clary. The darkeness reached out to him and he felt it swirl around him in an almost sentient way. It clawed at him, making him doubt everything, made him see visions of Clary lying dead. He growled and swung again and again.

"Jace" Isabelle's voice screamed and cut through the grasping darkness. He pulled back from the doubt and the vision's terrorizing him and finally heard Alec and Magnus screaming for him as well. Isabelle's wip swung out of the darkness and wrapped around his wrist jerking him out. Jace flew backwards and slammed to the ground outside the doorway. Isabelle's face crowed his vision as it blurred.

"Jace, you've been caught in a fear spell "Magnus said shortly as his blue fire drifted over Jace "demons use it to drain energy and manipulate their victims, fear demons use it as a primary food collection method, unfortunately you walked right into it."

Jace gasped as the blue fire restored his strength and his vision. He jumped to his feet as soon as he was able and stood breathing heavily looking for another way in. The shadows grew and wrapped around the house covering it with a thick layer of dark ooze that turned the semidarkness to midnight.

The screams intensified from inside the house and Jace went to spring toward the structure regardless of the cost. Magnus stopped him cold with a wave of his hand. Jace began to struggle but Magnus lifted one inky eyebrow and his hand lit with blue fire. The dark ooze screeched and withdrew from the light coming from Magnus's outstretched hand and when he was sure Jace wasn't going to rush the darkness again he released him.

"Let me go in" Jace ground out as the screams chased along every nerve ending he possessed. "Help me save her, I don't care what it costs me but I will get to her." 

Magnus sighed and waived his hand pulling them all to him. He closed his eyes and focused all his energy on the task at hand. Alec took his hand as they all waivered and began to fade. He smiled into his blue eyes as they faded into vapor and drifted past the fear demon and swept through the house toward the screaming.

They materialized inside in the dark and the screams nearly shattered his eardrums. Magnus collapsed the moment they were solid and Alec caught him before he hit the floor. Alec lowered Magnus to the floor and tried to make him comfortable. Magnus smiled and motioned them on with a wave of his hand. Isabelle and Jace knew Alec couldn't leave Magnus who had already helped them so much. They nodded at Alec's look and sped through the darkness, witch lights glowing heading for Clary.

They reached the dark metal door just as Clary's screams reached a crescendo that had Jace and Isabelle rushing the door as one. They kicked it hard and burst in just as Clary's scream ended. Jace gagged at the sight infront of him and felt the horror crawl over his skin.

Clary's pain filled eyes met his and she smiled sadly before her eyes began to go dark. Jace growled and charged the man currently wielding a knife over Clary's body sword swinging.

Clary smiled and sighed as the pain began to fade as Jace came into view. The room began to go dark as he charged Sebastian but Clary no longer saw it, she was just happy she got to see him one more time.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Wow sorry for the long wait for an update. School has been crazy and life has been crazier. I am so awed by the support and reviews I have gotten for this story. Please keep them coming. **_

Chapter Four

The sword Jace held slapped against the invisible field around the table and Sebastian laughed wickedly. He smiled smugly and wiped the blade on a towel. He grinned as Jace hammered away at the invisible field that separated them. Sebastian placed the blade on the tray and went around to the head of the table Clary lay strapped to. He ran his fingers over her bloody cheek and stroked it making sure Jace saw his pleasure. He also made sure that Jace saw the rune on his arm that prevented their entering the space.

Jace growled and lifted his sword preparing to charge again but Magnus's voice stopped him.  
>"Use this" he said weakly as he motioned in the air and a rune floated toward them. Alec supported him and moved him closer so that the rune could reach Jace and Isabelle. "It's a rune Clary created," He gasped tiredly as the blue rune floated closer " it is a deconstruct rune, it will reverse the effects of any rune and will allow the wearer to use it against the person who cast it."<p>

Jace smiled as he watched the solid form float toward him. He reached out and grabbed the rune out of the air with his steele. He tapped it onto his arm and it was immediately drawn. Jace felt pride ripple through him as Clary's rune cupped his forearm. Leave it to Clary to improve on what was already a perfect system. He'd never seen a rune that you could touch but with his Clary anything was possible. He cast his hand out and watched Sebastian's smile fade as the field cracked and shattered.

Jace stepped forward and twirled the seraph blade as the last of the wall fell and he charged Sebastian. Sebastian jumped back but not in time to avoid Jace's swing. The glowing angel blade ripped through the air and sliced his chest. Sebastian growled as Jace charged and he tried to use his dark rune to put the wall back up but Clary's rune sliced through it. Sebastian grasped his chest and stumbled back bumping the table.

Jace's eyes were drawn immediately to Clary and he felt his heart still as Isabelle leaned over her. She looked up and he saw the panic in her eyes. Jace felt rage build in him as his heart began to shatter. He growled and turned to charge Sebastian but saw him finish a rune and disappear. Jace roared and swung his blade at the space Sebastian had been only moments before but it swung through empty space.

Breathing hard he turned to the demons slinking in the shadows and ran at them with another roar. He swung and sliced as his fear for Clary drove him on. He channeled his pain and rage into each swing and in only moments he'd cut all the demons down.

He dopped his blade and turned back to the table afraid of what he would see. He rushed over and touched Clary's face and neck searching for a pulse. He didn't feel it at first and looked up at Isabelle with panicked eyes as his hands ran over her faster. Isabelle took his fingers and put it to the right spot where he felt it barely there against his fingertips. Jace groaned and shook her trying to wake her.

"Clary, Clary" he whispered in her ear "Please wake up, please be okay." He pulled her to him and shook her but she didn't stir.

Isabelle touched his shoulder and pulled him back shaking her head. "We have to get her back as soon as possible or I 'm afraid she won't make it."

Jace nodded and carefully picked Clary up off the table cradling her against him. Magnus and Alec came and along with Isabelle he began to weave the spell to take them home. Jace felt the magic surround them and he breathed in Clary's scent as they began to fade. He prayed to whoever was listening that she would live.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey all I hope you like this chapter. I will update more soon. Please let me know what you think. Thanks for all the great reviews

Chapter five

Jace wiped his tired eyes and rubbed the soft flesh of the hand he held. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed each finger, savoring the sensation of his lips on her skin even in this most basic way. He had sat beside her for days and waited and hoped for her to wake up, but she hadn't. He gripped her hand tighter as panic flooded him. He didn't know what he would do if she didn't make it, a world without her in it, even if she hated him, was unimaginable. He refused to live in such a world.

He began to shake as he felt the silent brother move in behind him. He wasn't sure how the hell he'd gotten in. They had been coming for days and he knew what they wanted, they wanted him to let her go, but he refused to. She belonged to him, even if he had treated her like dirt, they belonged to each other. They said she should have woken by now, that it was her spirit that was damaged, broken, but he refused to believe that. Clary's spirit was the strongest he'd ever seen and her light glowed so brightly that no one could deny her strength and he couldn't believe she was never coming back.

This was probably the reason he had locked the door to the infirmary and had a glowing seraph blade at his side in case they came to try and force him to let her go. He ignored the silent figure behind him but swore to himself to kick him out and put an extra rune on the door to keep them all out.

"Clary,"He said softly gripping her hand "Please come back, I need you." He knew he was pleading but he didn't care. He'd crawl across broken glass naked if she'd only come back. She didn't move and the panic began to rise again and he knew he was screaming now.

"damnit come back now, I won't let you quit." He was shaking her now and her head bobbed back and forth like a dolls but he couldn't stop himself. The silent brother put his hand on Jace's shoulder and the light touch sent him over the edge

He grabbed the seraph blade and swung it barely missing the silent brother's head. The brother's voice was echoing in his head telling him to stand down but he was nearly mad with pain. He growled again and flipped the blade over once in his hand reading for another swing. The monk raised his hands in surrender and slowly slithered away into the darkness but Jace knew he would be back.

He dropped the blade and gripped Clary again, this time more gently. He shook her and put his face close to hers. "Clary" he screamed loudly "Don't be such a mundane, wake the hell up!"

"Damn it, come back now, I won't let you quit" The voice rang through her head and made it hurt but Clary would know that voice anywhere. The last time she'd heard it had been snidely crushing her spirit as he'd told her to go home. His voice reminded her of all she'd lost and she wanted to stay here in the quiet darkness instead of facing her pain.

Her body and mind both hurt and she didn't' want to go back, Jace didn't want her and it tore something inside her. She turned away from the voice and tried to sink deeper into the darkness but the forceful voice kept pounding at her peace not letting her sleep.

Clary had wanted nothing more than to see him again before she died and she had gotten to, even if he no longer wanted her or cared. Clary smiled but found herself growling as the voice poked at her consciousness.

"Don't be such a mundane, wake the hell up!" the words rang through her head and made her mad. She groaned and climbed her way back up out of the darkness. She felt the darkness getting lighter but it did not fade. She kept going though.

She growled as she pulled herself free and tried her best to sneer at him. "I'm not a mundane" she whispered fiercely as she blinked her eyes trying to clear them.

"Thank the angel." Jace gasped as he held her close "god Clary I thought you were gone for good. 

"Like you care" she whispered softly as tears streamed down her face "All I think about is myself and you can't waste your time following me around to make sure I don't get killed, Remember?"

Jace sat back stunned, her tears lacerated him. "Clary, I was an idiot, I was trying to get you to leave so you would be safe, Can't you see that?"

Clary rubbed her eyes and her own panic set in as she answered him. "Jace I can't see anything."


	6. Chapter 6

_**I am astounded and grateful for all the love I have received in the form of reviews. I can't tell you how great it is to know that people like my stories. Thank you all for all the great reviews. I hope you like this chapter.**_

Chapter Six

Jace came closer and sat on the bed beside her gripping her arms. "Clary what do you mean you can't see anything?" He snapped his fingers in front of her face but it caused no reaction. He waived his hand in front of her face and she didn't respond. Her beautiful green eyes stared ahead sightless but still beautiful.

"I.. I can't see anything" she muttered in a scared voice. "Oh god Jace I can't see you." She shook life a leaf in the wind and that scared him more than anything because his beautiful, courageous Clary was never afraid of anything. Seeing her fear clearly written across her sightless eyes caused more terror than a thousand demons at once.

Jace felt it crawl up his back and borough under his skin wrapping around his heart and squeezing it with dread. He turned back to the door where he knew brother Jeremiah waited in the shadows and screamed for him.

"Get in here" he cried "Jeremiah Please." Jeremiah rushed in quicker than he thought a silent brother could move. He came to a stop beside the bed and waited patiently. His silence drove Jace insane.

"She can't see," he said in a high panicked voice, "why can't she see?" He gripped the sleeve of brother Jeremiah's robe and shook him. "Why can't she see?"

Brother Jeremiah gently pulled him off and placed his hand over Clary's eyes. A soft white light began to glow from his hands and Clary began to scream. Jace jerked and knocked Jeremiah back standing in front of her protectively.

"What in the name of the angel are you doing?" he hissed "I wanted you to help her not hurt her." Jace stood between her and the silent brother and even though she couldn't see him she felt him in front of her life a hot, breathing wall.

The silence that met his question was deafening to Clary and she felt tears slip down her cheeks. She clutched Jace's arm and held on, not sure what else to do. She knew he didn't want her but at least he was letting her touch him when she needed him.

The silent brothers answer reached into both their minds sounding as loud as a whisper. "_Her eyes were damaged by Jonathan during her tourture, a mixture of magic and physical injury. I am unsure whether they will recover or not, only the angel knows. I have done what I can."_

Jace looked at him like he was crazy and raked his hands through his hair. "What do you mean you don't know if they will recover, you mean ever?" He sounded incredulous and terrified as he stood holding her hand.

"_The angel is the only one that knows." _He intoned again silently, looking as sad as a silent brother could look.

Jace felt his whole world tilt as he looked at Clary. She looked so perfect, was still perfect without her sight, but he could tell from the look on her face that this was one blow too many. She pulled her hand free and covered her sightless eyes. Tears leaked out of them as she turned away.

"Get out" she said on a sob "I want to be alone." She turned away, shutting him out. and he felt his heart rip further as her slender shoulders shook with the effort to keep the worst of the tears at bay. "I don't want you here."

"Clary, he said softy "Don't shut me out, nothing has changed." He touched her shoulder and she she pushed his hand off with a snarl.

"Exactly, nothing has changed," she half laughed bitterly " I knew you didn't want me before, thought I was useless, now I guess I am. I don't want your pity. Just get out."

"Clary, by the angel I do want you, I thought I was doing what was best to keep you safe." He shook her and her head rattled "I go crazy thinking of anything happening to you, don't you see that's the only reason I would say something so stupid."

She laughed again, her laugh sounding old and tired. "God you are a bad liar, Just get out." She pulled out of his arms rubbing her hands across the sleeves of her shirt as if trying to get her arms warm.

"Clary I would never lie to you. I love you, maybe I've hid it better than I thought but I have always loved you." He put his hands out to her but she stepped back instinctively, moving as far away from him as the window behind her would allow. She turned to face it and put her face against the cold glass covering it with her tears.

"Get out." The words were cold and final and they made Jace's heart freeze. He felt the wall go up between them and he he'd never felt further from her or more unsure of what the hell he was going to do.


	7. Chapter 7

What Have I done

Chapter seven

_"Get Out." _The words bounced around his brain like gunfire smashing into everything in their path, decimating it. Jace jerked on his hair hard not caring that he felt some let go. He paced the darkened hallway growling as he past the door for the hundredth time. Clary had refused to see him for three weeks. Jace felt like he was the one who had been held in a hell zone, and he was still there. She had let others in, but not him, never him.

Jace kicked the wall and felt the plaster give. He crossed his arms hearing the slight creak of his black leather jacket and cringed. Isabelle would kill him for that. He'd tried everything possible to get her to let him in, but she was completely shutting him out. His heart twisted and he felt his stomach heave as his own words rang in his ears.

"I am an idiot" he said with a growl as he sank down into the chair across from the door. He felt every second ticking by as if it were his last. He wondered if he could actually die from his broken heart. He felt like he was coming apart, dying inside and he didn't know how to fix it. Clary was blocking him at every turn, keeping someone with her all the time, refusing to let him in. He felt as if he was suffocating out here and no one would help him. He closed his eyes and bowed his head feeling defeated.

The silence changed, took on a thick quality and Jace's head snapped up. Magnus smiled at him sadly and sank silently into the other chair. He steep led his fingers and waited tapping them silently against each other. Jace didn't say anything, just waited.

"You know this is your fault right?" Magnus asked it quietly, and Jace wanted to scream that of course he did, but it wasn't Magnus's fault, it was his.

"I know" Jace said sadly rubbing his hand roughly down his face. He wished he could rub away every stupid word he'd said, every wasted moment, but knew it couldn't happen. "I know. "

"You may thank me later." Magnus said softly as he stood in a swirl of soft material. Jace's eyes widened as he stood quickly

"you got her to see me?" The hope in his voice would have sickened him in any other situation but this was too important, this was his life they were talking about.

"But she agreed to see me." Magnus smiled wryly waiving his fingers slowly around them both. The air swirled around them and Jace felt his body begin to burn. He gasped but stood still. The air crackled and popped and the dim lights flickered. They came back on and Jace felt his throat grow dry as he met two pairs of Magnu's eyes in the mirror.

"It will get you past the silent brother, will get you time alone, but it will only last a few minutes, use it wisely."

"Thank you." He said quietly "really thank you."

Magnus smiled and slipped into the chair in the shadows and got comfortable. "Don't thank me yet" he said wryly "If you get caught it's on you."

Jace smiled and nodded slipping in the door.

Clary heard the door open and raked her bright red hair back with a sigh. The hardest thing about losing her sight was having to depend on her other senses. She smelled the shampoo that Magnus liked and smiled. At least he hadn't badgered her, or given her an opinion on her situation with Jace. Everyone else had weighed in until she felt like she was going to scream.

"Is Jace still outside?" The question slipped past her lips before she could stop it. His name seemed to slip past her lips unbidden more than she would like. He certainly obsessed her every thought almost as much as the pain of what had happened was slowly killing her.

Clary heard him murmur to the silent brother and she head the door open and close as they were left alone. He remained silent and Clary found her eyebrows spike at his silence. Magnus was a lot of things but silent was never one of them. She could hear his breathing and waited. Suddenly a fear unlike any she'd ever known swept through her, something had happened to Jace and he didn't know how to tell her. Clary gasped and clutched her chest as her heart ripped. She staggered and grabbed for the table she knew to be nearest to her bed. She felt the world spin, _"by the angel, is he hurt, or dead?" _The last thought ripped through her and she wondered if someone so young could have a heart attack.

"Did something happen to Jace?" "Is he okay? "Please what is it you're not telling me?" Clary knew her voice was a shrill half screaming sob now but couldn't help it. She knew Jace did not want her, had tried to burn him out of her for the last three weeks but she loved him and couldn't help it. She was scared that the most important person in her world was gone. She had been dying inside since the day he told her he didn't want her but now, after everything, if he was gone, she knew she would die.

"Is he okay?" The question came again harsher, more demanding, she had to know.

Clary heard him move and suddenly he was standing beside her. She reached for him but paused when she noticed that his smell was different. Her nostrils flared as she smelled it, his scent. She wasn't sure how but she smelled him. Magnus's scent was slowly fading and Jace's raw, animal scent was permeating the room.

She took a step back, confused, afraid but felt familiar arms clamp around her. She would know him anywhere, he smell, his touch and she knew who held her. The world swung dizzily as she grasped his arms and directed her sightless eyes to where his face should be. Her hands crept up his jacket, feeling the leather under her fingertips. She trailed her hands up his shoulders and traced his face. By the time she put her hand s in his hair she was crying.

"Jace, is it really you?" She sobbed the words as she pulled him to her "You're really okay?" She breathed him in, traced his face with her fingertips. She was desperate to prove with her talented artist fingers what her sight used to tell her. "I thought you were dead, I was so scared when Magnus didn't say anything."

Jace covered her hands with his and smiled, his heart beating so wildly against his chest he knew she heard it. "Magnus is outside, I convinced him to help me."

Clary smiled, forgetting everything else in her joy that he was okay "I'm going to kill him."

Jace smiled at her and pulled her against him. He wrapped his arms around her and ran his hands up and under the heavy fall of her hair, he breathed in the smell of her and closed his eyes, by the angel he had missed her.

"Were you worried about me?"

Clary sighed and shut him up the only way her poor wounded heart would allow, she kissed him. So many emotions were swirling around in her head, sadness, love, pain, lust that it was too much. The uncertainty of the future loomed large and she was scared, but she would have this moment. She pulled and they rolled together onto the bed locked in each other's arms. Jace may not want her, surely didn't want her now that she was sightless, but she loved him and the thought of him being gone had scared her so much that none of that mattered now. She just wanted to feel him again.


End file.
